


Hold your breath

by D_A_Y



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alastair Being an Asshole (Supernatural), Alpha Dean Winchester, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Bottom Dean Winchester, F/M, Gender Confusion, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Omega Castiel (Supernatural), Omega Castiel/Alpha Dean Winchester, Top Castiel/Bottom Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:54:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,660
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23141281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/D_A_Y/pseuds/D_A_Y
Summary: The thought that he should be an omega has been haunting Dean since he turned into an alpha when he was 16. He is not unsatisfied with him being an alpha, it is just ... something does not feel right. After forty years in hell, Alastair convinced Dean that he was never an alpha.Jimmy Novak was a timid omega before Castiel took control of his body. He chose an omega as his vessel to better help him rescue Dean from hell.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 3
Kudos: 35





	Hold your breath

**Author's Note:**

> Background:  
> All three genders are equal.  
> Based on original SPN settings.  
> Any physiological reaction can be controlled by grace( so basically castiel doesn't have any omega-like behavior, except his comforting scent)  
> omega castiel/alpha dean  
> Top!Castiel/Bottom!Dean  
> Native language not English so sorry for the poor writing

For the first 16 years of Dean's life, everyone expected him to become an **omega** , including himself.

He loves his family and he loves being in the family. At the age of four, he started caring for his brother, who was still asleep in his crib. He started doing chores at the age of five and was pretty good at it. His father was always away, so he taught himself to deal with the dirty laundry in the washing machine in the cramped motel; he taught himself how to heat meals standing on a chair. He handled it well when he and Sam grew taller, buying clothes that fit and preparing nutritious food.

They were on the move all year round, so he put all his feelings for home into his father's car, curling up in the car as long as he can before leaving reluctantly. His first kiss was with an aggressive girl, and his third date was with a tall, bespectacled upperclassman.

At John first saw his son smiling to the crib, tiptoeing heating cereal, he worried whether he should sent Dean to Bobby's home. Since Dean was likely to be a gentle and family **omega** , he should never follow his dad and road trip aimlessly - then he heard that his son beat the shit out of his classmate in the primary school for insulting Mary. This led him to begin training dean, and as a result, his eldest son soaked up everything he taught like a wonderful sponge.

The only thing Dean didn't look like an omega was his physical ability.. Dean was good at shooting and knifing, and could always throw children his age to the ground in close combat. His pace was light and steady. His muscles were taut when he lowered himself. His sinuous postures were nearly perfect. His explosive power was also excellent - there he was, Dean Winchester, a strong **omega**.

This was good. Like his mother, John even gamboled and looked proudly into those gentle green eyes, and told him, "Son, you're going to be just like your mother, turning an **alpha** guy like me to fall in love with you head over heels."

Beyond all those omega-like sides, the most obvious point is that he always obeys his father, obeys almost every command given by the stern alpha willingly, just like **omega** obeys alpha without questioning.

Sam, who is four years younger than him, is a different animal. One day he would clamour to hunt monsters with his father, and a few days later he would insist on spending more time with his new friends at school. He was more like an alpha.

So it is never unreasonable that Dean's turning day ended up a nightmare. Everyone thought he would be the omega, including himself.

Dean stayed at Bobby's to celebrate his 16th birthday, where John stayed for a while to wait for Dean to pass his first heat. They prepared a lot, buying omega suppressants, lube, knot-forming dildos, mineral drinks,perfume with fake alpha scent, and a pile of blankets -- a crazy pile of blankets -- that covered every floor in the guest room and mounted a blanket hill in the middle of the room.

When John caught the faint scent of warm apple pie, he was so convinced that Dean was going to be in heat, though it is actually impossible to tell gender by the smell in first rut. The soft and sunny scent was obvious enough to tattoo "I am **omega** scenting like sweet apple pie" on Dean's neck.

John let Dean into the prepared room, double checking all the windows, and put the fake **alpha** perfume, dildo, and a whole bunch of other things in front of Dean, as serious as when he first put a pistol in his son's hand. He glanced at Dean's blushing face before patted his son on the shoulder. He walked away satisfied before he locked the door behind him. He sat down on the sofa outside and opened a bottle of beer.

When he was about to call Bobby to buy pizzas for celebration on the way home, he heard Dean's puzzled voice behind the door: “Dad? I think I might --eh--” And then he stopped.

John got nervous immediately. When there was no answer to the knock, he took two wet towels, one covering his neck and the other covering his nose, and opened the door.

Squinting at the sight, he froze when he saw his eldest son on his knees, retching. Dean’s face was bloodless and frowning in pain. He almost choked on his own sobs with quickened breath and started hyperventilating.

"Dean? Dean, how are you feeling?" John glanced around, then noticed that Dean was clutching the bottle of perfume with white knuckles in the hand he was supporting himself from not falling on the ground.

"Eh -- dad, eh -- I think I...I'm an **alpha**." It took Dean a lot of effort to finish his sentence. His butt was not slick but the tight crotch made him feel like wearing some patent-leather skinny pants.

“I feel like throwing up because of the perfume..." Dean managed to tell his dad the reason before realizing that the poison was still in his hands, and then immediately withdrew his hand like an electric shock. He couldn't breathe and his stomach was turning up side down. The dull pain in his brain was hammering at his temple. He couldn't breathe. He **didn’t want to** breathe. He couldn’t afford inhaling another breath. He felt like falling, drowning, suffocating in the disgusting smell of another **alpha**. Dean Winchester, 16, dying on a fucking bottle of fake perfume.

"Damn it," John swear and cursed whatever god put his son in this situation. Dean was surrounded by the fake scent from another alpha the very first second he embraced the life of alpha. The rejection was literally destroying the new alpha’s vulnerable gland.

To make matters worse, no one, NO ONE thought Dean Winchester would be an alpha, and there was nothing in the house, not even a hole for him to fuck into.

"John?"It took Bobby a while to answer the phone for Sam insisting on staying at the pet store in the mall a little longer.

"Damn it, Bobby, Dean is an **alpha**." John moved as far away from Dean as he could. He glanced down the hall at Dean, who was kneeling on a blanket on the bathroom floor. He was holding the shower in his hand, trying to let the water take away some of the disgusting perfume.“Why there is not even one damn toy in your house?”

"WHAT? Alpha?" Bobby was in a bit of a panic by the worry in John’s voice. He pulled Sam, who was still squatting on the floor, and rushed toward the medical supplies section. "Damn it, John, I am a mated beta. I must be drinking Viagra everyday if I need a toy. How is he?"

"Not good. Remember the perfume we prepared? He sprayed himself with that damn poison."John sighed irritably," He's still retching and probably hyperventilating. You need to buy a stronger blocker."

When Dean was about to puke his stomach out of his mouth and unconsciously started to fuck his right hand in front of his dad, Bobby finally made it back.

The rut definitely topped the worst rut of the year. The aftereffects kept Dean away from John for several days. Though humiliated to admit, he was acting like a raped **omega** , fearing the scent of **alpha**.

He couldn't say for sure how he felt about turning into an alpha, it was just **weird**. He has expected to become an omega like his mother very since he knew the idea of alpha and omega. He wondered if he had some kind of **gender identity disorder** or whatever shit things like that - sometimes he just stared at his swollen knot blankly wondering why he had this.

Dean Winchester is an alpha, huh? Every diaper he's ever changed for Sam would probably fight each other to jump out of the trash can to mock him. But he is an alpha and this is the undeniable fact. And as soon as he got used to the new world, he jumped into his role.

His hunting skills improved like a rocket, and he was soon promoted to the real hunter, going out with his dad instead of being stuck in a library reading tons of book to find what the third generation of werewolf is capable of. From talking with victims' families to cutting the head of vampires, he thought he did enjoy his new status.

But he did wonder what things would be like if he turned into an **omega**. He didn’t think it was possible for him to just quit hunting. He sure as hell didn’t want to quit. Dad would never agree to this - he thought he would be an omega yet trained him to shoot ghosts with rock salt. But maybe they would find a place to settle down like Bobby. And to his relief, he did not hate any of the trivial chores.

He was still the loyal son, the good little soldier, the caretaker big brother. The alpha inside him never tempted to disobey John.

Know what is worse than the scent of two fucking alphas panting and sweating in the motel room after a hunt?

THREE godforsaken ALPHAS.

No one knew what Sam would become for sure before he turned. Frighteningly clever but still slender, questioning John's decision but relying on his alpha brother, Sam was a mysterious kid. With Dean's example in mind, Bobby had prepared for both genders. Sam turned into alpha, and here began the nightmare.

He was growing into a tree like his alpha hormone was some magic juice to height. Unlike Dean, Sam displayed every fucking piece of pride and rebellion in an alpha to fucking extreme.

He confronted John, provoked John, and questioned John. The sweltering scent from two furious alpha stuffed the tiny Impala was almost watery. Dean would silently open the window, slow down his breathing, and carefully hold down the irritated churning in his body.

He never took sides as long as it was not a matter of principle. Though he hated such coward behavior, he really didn’t want the scent of the third alpha to disturb the already suffocating atmosphere. He would look out of the window, hoping a wind can clean the air. He would listen dully to Sam in the back row shouting about needing a stable school and John shouting back things like “You are not an omega so stop being pussy!” Dean then hoped he were an **omega** , releasing some pheromones to ease the anger of John or giving Sammy a chance to settle down.

Sam slammed the door and headed off to Stanford, leaving behind a furious John and a scowling Dean. Would it be better to maintain a family if you were an **omega**?

Of course, he never rejects himself as an **alpha**. He is very strong, he even starts hunting alone, he can save more people. And being an alpha never fails him at the bar, where he can have a damn hot night just by winking and letting his scent scratch others’ noses.

For example, the omega chick named Lisa, who gave him the best sex he'd ever had - Hell, he almost bit on her neck when she begged for breeding and mating. They spent the night in the burning scent of lavender and apple pie. He thought they were both on the verge of fucking each other into rut.

The only thing in common in Dean’s splendid alpha sex history is that he only sleeps with **female**. Not that he's homophobic or anything - his best ever pron collection is about hot lesbian sex with two omega chicks touching and kissing while riding a dildo. He just feels **weird**. He once had boyfriends but that was before he turned and at that moment, everyone thought he was an **omega**. So each of his boyfriends treated him like an **omega** , and he wasn't averse to a slightly controlling kiss and hands hooping around his waist. But once he became an **alpha** , such idea gets weird. True, alpha-alpha relationships are not uncommon, since the greatness of love can easily trump the rejecting scent. There was just something weird enough for Dean subconsciously avoid this kind of relationship (He is definitely fine with alpha female, though). Deep down in his heart, he doesn't know what he will consider himself as when sleeping with an alpha man, a fucked **alpha** or a fucked **omega**?

Then John went MIA and made the deal. Sam wad killed and brought back. Dean went to hell.

Alastair is definitely the worst bastard ever in the whole damn world, fuck God for ever creating such a thing. Even when Dean later met those godforsaken devil things like Crowley the King of Hell, Dick the Leviathan, Lucifer the fallen archangel, he would never hesitate a second to vote for Alastair as the Villain of the era. The fucking demon racked his brains to tempt Dean off that fucking squad.

The first ten years was endless pain. **The pain was everywhere.** He was always in pain. He was always suffocating. He was always hurting. He never had a damn second without agony. He never had a damn second with his body unhurt. Those black-eyed dicks took turns to torture him. He was sliced to nothing and then brought back in whole to start all over again with countless kinds of instruments of torture to dig, slice, inject, whip, spank, pull, suspend, burn, to do whatever they fucking want. He didn’t even know he could sense so much pain. But at the end of every day, he never **gave in.** He spat in the direction of Alastair, blood or saliva, which was the only thing he could do.

The second ten years went bad. Fucking Alastair turned pure torture into torture with interrogation. Initially, it was a series of meaningless and ridiculous questions like, "Who are you?""What's my name?”"Are bananas yellow?""Is Hell on the moon?” Not knowing what game Alastair was playing, he refused to answer. When Dean finally choked out "sea water is not sweet, it is fucking salty!"as his chest was sliced open and his ribs were broken by Alastair with bare hands, everything went still. **All the pain didn’t exist.** He was no longer hurting. He was no longer in agony. His pulled out organs were put back in place. His lung was working again. His eyelids grew back. He could feel his fingers. It was such a peaceful bliss as if he walked into the eye of the hurricane. In the terrible silence, he could not even hear his own breathing. Staring at Alastair's pale eyes, he learned the new rules of the game.

Answer, as long as you answer, the pain stopped.

The questions escalated, some of which he resisted and evaded. But then Alastair would just repeat over and over again the question he refused to answer until he answered. Tortured by Alastair himself simply made the first ten years of experience a bubble bath in a massage bathtub with rose petals.

Dean tried to lie, but severe pain - Alastair always sliced his brain open happily during the process. He could never be put back together until he had nothing left to be hurt - gave him no chance to organize a lie. In the end he even had no strength to judge whether the question should be answered or not. **He just answered.** He just screamed out the answer in a hoarse voice, trying to buy a moment of peace and waiting for the next question eagerly.

It was too much. It was more painful than mere torture. There WAS an fucking escape. He did not even need to hurt others. He did not even need to get off the squad. He did not even need to **surrender or to give in** to Alastair. He just needed to fucking answer when he was asked. At the end of the 20th year, Alastair could write a better book dissecting Dean Winchester than Dean himself.

The next ten years was the real hell, though Dean had been chained in this fucking place for two decades. Alastair must had a PhD in fucking psychology and Dean cursed the demon at the bottom of his heart for millions of times.

Apart from the endless torture, Alastair would come to the squad every few days. When he came, all the pain stopped. Because Alastair wanted Dean to hear him clearly, fully, and mentally.

Alastair said he knew everything and could read Dean like a book.He said he was always **right**. He said Dean told him **everything**.

He said that he knew Dean's obedience to his father and his love for his younger brother.

He said that he knew Dean’s eager for family and his willingness to make whatever sacrifice for his family.

Then he paused, started to circling the squad in a steady pace.

He said that he knew Dean enjoyed letting Lisa control the sex.

He said that he knew Dean enjoyed being manhandled by that senior male, enjoyed being pinned onto the wall, enjoyed being forced to open his knees, enjoyed his penis being rubbed. (What? Hell, what did he answer in the past ten years? Alastair even asked this kind of question? **He couldn’t remember** most of the questions though....)

Alastair knew even more than Dean. He knew everything that Dean hadn't thought deeply about and everything that Dean refused to face. He circled the squad, demanding Dean to keep an eye on him when he was in front of him to be sure that he knew he was telling the **truth**.

He said that he knew the tragedy of Dean's first rut.

He said that he knew Dean's **resistance** to his Alpha's identity.

He said that he knew Dean was not **Alpha**.

He said: “ _Don’t worry. You are not an alpha. Relax. I know you never want to be an alpha.”_

He said: “ _Everyone was lying to you. How can you be an alpha? You are such a whore. Don’t worry. How can a man who wants to be fucked so much like you be an alpha?”_

He said: “ _Relax, Dean. You are definitely worse than omegas_.”

He said that he knew Dean's first rut was so painful not because his rejection to fake **alpha** scent.

He said it was because.... He said so many things.

And one day he said before leaving:

_“ I KNOW YOU WANT TO GO OFF THE SQUAD.”_

_“ I KNOW YOU WILL NEVER REGRET GOING OFF THE SQUAD.”_

Then he turned away.

“Alastair.”

Dean hoarsely stopped Alastair, who took a step back and stopped in front of Dean. His gray eyes barely expressive.

“ _What_?”

“Untie me. I **want to** go off.”

/

Dean didn't realize how serious when Alastair said " _You can never get away from me."_ at first. He does have a feeling of guilt, pain, weakness, and even fear, but all these feelings are buried in the bottom of his heart, locked away forever.

He is still Dean Winchester, there is no difference. Then Sam appeared at Bobby’s, giving him a hug excitedly.

"Fuck!" Without thinking about it, he pushes Sam away. When he realizes what he had done, he mutters something and stumbles back into the bathroom.

"Dean? What’s wrong? You OK?" Sam knocks on the locked door. He sounds hurt -- very damn hurt. After four months in desperation, he finally sees his brother coming back from the dead. And then he was pushed away. To say he is hurt is an underestimate. Sam looks over his shoulder at Bobby, who looks shocked and merely shook his head at his inquiring glance.

"Damn it, Sammy, don't come in." Dean's voice is weak as he is still struggling for breath. "Go get something to take the scent off you." "

Scent?”Sam frowns. For a moment he doesn’t know what to do. What is Dean saying? It is not like either of them is near rut.

"Yes! Genius! Your fucking scent! Your damn alpha scent!" There is a note of impatience and anger in Dean's voice, then a cough. The sound of running water covers his rapid breathing. Sam can barely hears his brother throwing up painfully.

"Sammy, look,I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry I pushed you away. I'm fine. Peachy. I just got a shock."

"Uh-huh." Sam even doesn’t want to say he is not buying it aloud. He stands against the wall at the entrance to the living room while Dean is sitting on the sofa. He tried to stand closer earlier but Dean winced a little before he tensed and pretended nothing happened. Sam wears his deadly serious puppy face, which reads, "if you don't tell me I'll keep asking you until you tell me". He folds his arms around his chest and stares at his brother.

"Jesus, Sammy. Can't your brother have a little privacy?" Dean sighs with exhaustion, knowing that he really needs to give an explanation for pushing his brother away. He glances at the scent blocker in Sam's hand and feels a little guilty.

"Look, I'm only going to say this once, and then it's over." Sam doesn’t say anything, but raises his eyebrows to show that he is listening.

"Er...When I was down there, there was a demon, you know, a psychopath who tortured people. He, eh, he sprayed me with the fake al, **alpha** scent perfumes like he was gonna build a fucking swimming pool around me. So I, uh, I just, I think I just need some time before I have to smell any of other alpha scent again." Dean takes a swig of beer and shrugs to Sam to show that he's finished.

**Author's Note:**

> All comments are welcome!!plsssss 
> 
> something in next chapter:::  
> "I do fucking need omega pheromones! But I don't need a fucking mated omega’s pheromone!"  
> Dean barks at Castiel. The room is now mixed with three scents. His own apple pie, sweet and gooey honey, and peppermint and lemon. The latter two are mixed together, having the combined scent of mate. The alpha scent of peppermint and lemon makes Dean feel like a goddamn third party.


End file.
